The Monkey Outlaw

Aids Walk 2009

2009-04-25T12:24:00.000-07:00

Today was Aids Walk 2009. We had a dear friend pass away a couple of years ago from Aids. He was one of the funniest people you could ever meet. Today when we went to get his flag to carry in the Aids Walk and it was nowhere to be found (the Aids Walk Organization stores them and brings them to the Aids Walk every year) and the event leaders felt horrible that they had misplaced his flag. So, we did what Lenny would have done, laughed it off,made them promise to find it for next year and went to breakfast and shared our stories about Lenny with each other.

The rest of my week has been just as eventful as today. I have been working two case loads, and I haven't seemed to have anytime for anything other than work. Finally last night I found some downtime. I rush home thinking to myself I can just put on my PJ's and a good movie and vege out. But no ... I get to the house and the AT&T repairman is there hooking up our new phone lines. He knocks on the door and tells me that he needs to get into our basement so he can finish connecting the phone line to the new part of the house. Of course I'm thinking to myself. He needs in the one part of the house that our ghost hangs out in. I put on my brave Dyke armour and I lead the man down to the basement. He goes about his work down there and I come back upstairs. He is down there for about 10minutes and he comes back upstairs . We he gets to the top of the stairs he starts explaining to me that while he was working he saw someone standing by a rack of clothing and started to talk to them while he worked. Then he said he looked back over at the person he was talking to and they were gone! Great ... so someone other than those related to us or knows us has seen the ghost. Now I know it's real! The phone man leaves and I am now left alone and in the dark. I am so grateful Princess came home early to snuggle with!

Princess Dreams Post One

2009-04-21T06:12:00.000-07:00

The way that I met the Princess is insane. If any friend of mine would have met a potential partner the way I did -I would have told them to "Run Forest Run".

I belonged to a online Lesbian club and saw some post that Princess had put up that were really interesting. I took a chance and sent her an IM on yahoo because she was so close to Kansas City, really enjoyed her post and thought it would be neat to meet her. She answered that IM and we quickly began chatting every single night. I would get home from work and couldn't wait to log in at 6 PM so I could chat with her. We would be on yahoo messenger until 3 or 4 in the morning. This went on for two months. Then we finally decided that we would meet. Of course, I let her pick the day and place, and just my luck she picked a night that I had planned on going to the Ellen show with a woman who I had been seeing on and off for a year. We weren't serious at all and she too was dating another woman at the time we were seeing each other.

Shit! I really want to meet her so what should I do. Well, I was being honest with the "other" woman and she knew I had been chatting online with Princess. I was also being honest with Princess and told her that I had a date that night that I couldn't break. Princess worked a lot of hours and this was one of the rare times she could get to the city to meet me. So, I called up the other woman and said, "I don't want to hurt your feelings but I want to meet Princess tonight and I know I promised you that I would take you to see Ellen, but can I just give you the tickets and you take "your friend". Turns out her friend was out of town so I felt guilty and just resigned to the fact that I wouldn't be meeting Princess tonight. I called Princess and told her the story. She says, "well I can just go to Missie B's (the bar we agreed to meet in) and wait for you." Oh hell yes! I thought to myself!

Princess needed a place to change in Kansas City because she was already working here that day and I didn't want her to have to drive all the way to Princeton ( about 70 miles from here) and then just turn around and drive back to the city. I told her that I would leave my key under my front door mat and she could use my apartment. She agreed to it!

Crazy huh! A woman that I never met was using my apartment to shower and change in and I wasn't even there!

I go to the Ellen Show, hurry to Missie B's to meet the Princess. I was terrified. I ran upstairs, had a couple shots of tequila and talked to a complete stranger about what I was about to do. I was about to meet a woman downstairs that I had been talking to online for two months, that I strangely had feelings for that I hadn't experienced in a LONG time!

I had seen a picture of her and she had told me what she was going to wear. I had some idea of who she was. Of course, she didn't have on anything near what she said she would be wearing. I saw this woman at the end of the bar, she was HOT! I didn't want to walk up to that hot of a woman and say, "Hi I'm Monkey are you the Princess?". So instead I stood at the opposite side of the bar and asked the bartender, who I knew all to well, to ask the hot woman at the end of the bar if her name was Princess. He walked to the end of the bar, asked the hot woman the question and came back to my end of the bar. Inpatient me is asking him as he is walking back, "is that her, is that her?" .... He says, " I don't know but if it is, she's a bitch."

to be continued ...

Spring In Really Here - For The Week Tells Me So!

2009-04-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

Spring is really here. I saw it with my own eyes! Our yard is a mess since we are remodeling. Hopefully not for long because the next phase is adding the wrap around deck with hot tub included! I can't wait to step out the bedroom sliding glass door onto the deck and into the hot tub! Yesterday I was trying to pick up the yard,getting more and more depressed because of the dead looking grass, muddy yard, and just a disarray of building materials everywhere. It was then I spotted one of our tulips peeking through the ugliness,letting me know that there is beauty coming to our home and it won't be long before this season of ugly winter in our life is over.

On the news this week I heard that we soon will be able to travel to Cuba! How exciting! We go to Key West often and I have always looked over the ocean and wondered what it was like over there. I guess I'm a true American and I don't like it when someone,even my own government tells me that I CAN'T go wherever I want! Instead of Thailand next year the Princess and I are considering going to Cuba. Yeah I know what you are thinking, what the hell can be there, but the people are who I want to meet! They have had to deal with the embargo's for all these years and they sure as hell know what to do when there is a hurricane. What an interesting undiscovered culture they have! What a strong people they are!

My brother came to visit this week and we got to spend some time with him. Kim and T met us out at a local drag show which made it that much better.

Softball was rained out today. The first two games of the year. Our teams name is Bro's and Ho's ... and I can't wait to beat the team Barbies!

I'm facing my fear of the basement ... before I head down the stairs I just tell the ghostie I'm on my way down and to stay away from me and he is.

Yes, Spring is really here! I'm getting so excited!

Our Ghost

2009-04-13T17:39:00.000-07:00

Shortly after the Princess and I moved into our current home 5 years ago I started seeing a shadowy figure in our upstairs loft. It had a male presence and male energy. I would see it up and down the stairs, as well as around the top of the stairs. At the time it was my office so I spent numerous hours up there. It never really scared me at all, it was just something that I learned to deal with. At first it sort of made me uneasy, not because it was there,but because I wasn't sure what I was seeing or what it was. I never said anything to anyone,including the Princess because, number one I knew at the time that Princess didn't believe in ghost, and number two I didn't want anyone to think I had lost my mind.

A few months after we moved in the Princess's oldest daughter mentioned to her that she kept seeing something at the top of the stairs that went into my office. Princess told her that she too had seen something but didn't want to admit to it. Princess then confessed to me what her and her daughter had seen and I told her what I had seen. We all agreed that it was definatly male and none of us were frightend by it.

About two years ago we moved my office to the basement and our bedroom upstairs so we could remodel our home. Princess and I continued to see the shadowy figure, but it had moved to the downstairs ground level of the home and continued to "hang out" upstairs. It moved the blinds and started making some knocking noises over the years. We continued to keep it to ourselves, and just agreed that we would deal with it.

Then one day I was deleteing some videos off the camera and I came across one that Princess had taken and it was just she and I home. On the video we heard a males voice say "No". It freaked us out because we had never heard our Ghost speak. We showed our video to some friends and one of them knew some local ghost hunters that they thought would love to come by the house and check it out. We agreed to let them ... you can find their report here--------> http://www.ghost-investigators.com/investigations/view_inv.php?inv_num=84 and when they left they told us that we would either A, see the ghost more and have more interaction with it or B, not see it anymore. Well, long story short the SAME night the Ghost decided to mess with us some, we were talking to it in the living room and all of a sudden the light above the stove came on, and it's a rocker switch that turns it on and off. Then when we all went running in the kitchen the light went out and the rocker switch has been broken every since. That night Princess and I told the Ghost that it could stay, yeah like we can make it leave, on two conditions. The first one is it can't touch us and the second one is it can't move our shit around. We also told the Ghost that if he wanted to leave that we were sure he would let us know and that we would help him.

After that night we really didn't hear or see much of the Ghost. We keep a diary of when and where we see him, but for a few months nothing.... I think it was because we are remodeling,tearing out walls,moving stairs etc. Now all of a sudden he has moved to the basement and Princess decides to tell me that she has seen him down there. She adds that he is more clear and not as shadowy but more like a mist.

For the life of me, and it gives me the creeps now, I just can't force myself to go down to the basement. It's just something about the Ghost being in the basement that freaks me out. I'm not scared, I just don't want to see him. I have to go to the garage to feed the cats but I will walk all the way around the house and use the outside entrance rather than walk through the basement to get to the garage.

I wonder if I should just go down there and face it or just let it alone. I mean, I'm not terrified of it, I'm just avoiding it. The Ghost Hunters have called and want to come back. I could let them deal with it.

What do you think?

Happy Easter Weekend Everyone!

2009-04-11T13:33:00.000-07:00

I'm training a new case worker at my job and this week has found me running up and down the highway from Kansas City to Grandview (to be in her homes) all day. I've been working almost 16 hours a day and racking up the old mileage on the truck like crazy (will make for a nice check at the end of the month - but sure is hard on my ass being in the truck so much).

Last night I finally had a break in my week and had the time to watch TV. I watched a Dateline rerun on serial killers. Have you noticed that when a serial killer is caught that they always interview former next-door-neighbors and the neighbors almost always say "He was so quiet, minded his business, seemed like such a nice young man, never was seen at the local stripper bar ..."? Interesting huh? But then if you have bodies buried in your crawl space it would hardly be a smart move to be an asshole neighbor, banging on drums at 2 AM and being a jerk to everyone would it?! Sometimes, I wonder.

I don't wonder at all about the holiday weekend! I "accidentally" say my Easter Basket that the Easter Bunny dropped off and I can't wait until tomorrow!

Hope you all have a GREAT Easter!

Strange Taxi Rides

2009-04-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

On the rare occasions that Princess and I go out, knowing that we will become very intoxicated, we call a cab to the place we are going and back home again. Saturday night was one of these occasions. I pick up the cell and dial the taxi company and they send a cab right away. When the cab arrived I looked inside and the cab driver actually looked like someone that spoke English! Awesome I thought to myself, I won't have to have a conversation with a man that I am trusting with my life in HIS car, that consists of me saying yes and not knowing what the hell is he saying. Then I noticed that the cab driver had a Garmin in his car. Yes! How sweet, I won't have to give this one directions either! Last I notice that the cab driver is a very gay man. No Gaydar needed.

So we jump in the cab say hello and give the driver the address of the bar we are going to. Then, and note that we haven't even turned the corner from our house yet, the driver tells us that he is dating a fuzzy gay man. I say oh a fuzzy gay man, how interesting. At this point Princess pokes me in my side, I know she is trying to tell me NOT to encourage conversation, but I just can't help myself. I say to the driver, you know I'm glad you are dating a fuzzy gay man (I've had a couple drinks already and am ready for fun). The cab driver continues to tell us that his fuzzy boyfriend is going to have smoothie surgery. Of course I asked what that was. He proceeded to tell me that his boyfriend just wanted to be castrated because his father is a child molester and he doesn't want to be one when he gets older. Princess is grabbing the door at this point. I say to the driver, wow that's awful drastic, but I guess if that's what will ease his mind then I suppose a man has to do what a man has to do. Then, the cab driver continues to tell us that his "Fuzzy" boyfriend also wants the surgery so he can't reproduce. I say to the driver, "Wow I didn't know that two gay men could reproduce.." At this point Princess can't stand it anymore. She gives me the look that says, "if you say one more damn word to this man I will kill you...."

I'm sure glad we were only a block away at that point or I wouldn't be typing this today!

Best Friends and Fruit Roll Ups Make Great Weekends!

2009-04-03T18:00:00.000-07:00

I have the best weekend ever planned!

Tonight I get to meet up with one of my best friends and have dinner with her and some internet stalker that her and her girlfriend (soon to be wife) met online and invited to stay with them at their house this weekend.

Then my best friend in the whole world - Little Monkey- will come by and he and I will spend the evening eating fruit roll ups and watching Madagascar. Oh, I forgot to mention that he is our grandson and only a year and a half old. I do love being under the influence of a toddler! We will then end the evening with him sprawled out in bed with me reading Teletubbies and the Magic Pumpkin.

Saturday morning Little Monkey, Princess and I will get up early go to the River Market where we will have breakfast. Then, oh yes, the fun begins! We will go to the best Easter Egg Hunt in the world! 15,000 eggs hidden all over Parkville, Missouri park. All ours for the taking!

At 7:00 PM I have a hot date with the Princess to go to Artopia Kansas City! A night full of food,music, wine and awards with local theater performers, photographers, small film makers and musicians.

To end the night off , Princess and I will be celebrating with friends the last of their single days. Our best friends, Kim and T are having a Bachelorette Party at Balanca's Pyro Room in Kansas City. It will be a night that I'm sure will be filled with good times and memories of a lifetime!

Sunday will be spent eating Tylenol and drinking water. Wondering just what the hell happened to the days that I could party like a rock star all weekend long and never feel bad at all!

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Question The Heel

2009-03-31T10:10:00.000-07:00

I grew up poor and we had very little money and too many kids. Therefore our dinners (and lunches) consisted of TONS of Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwiches. There were a three of us kids so that's what we'd eat. My mom would often fix our supper. Now I'm not a big fan of "the heel" in a loaf of bread. But my mom seemed to almost make SURE that out of all of us, I had at least one heel on my sandwich, and sometimes even TWO heels on one sandwich! I was disgusted with her for a long time about this. Over and over again I'd get heels, heels, heels! This went on for too long and I never said a word. Finally one day I sat down and looked at my sandwich with the heel and asked my brothers, "Anyone else want the heel?" My mom stopped her sandwich making and looked up, "You don't like the heels?" I answered , "Well, NO, I hate them really". She then told me one of my brothers had told her long ago that I LOVED the heels and wanted them! So all this time she'd been making sure I got heels! Lesson learned: maybe STOP someone if they're doing something strange you don't like, question it!

I'm A Gremlin!

2009-03-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went bowling with some friends. This was an alternative activity that we had agreed upon. The damn ice and snow that Mother Nature (that bitch) decided to deliver prevented us from our first choice which was fishing!

I wake this morning and my damn right eye matted shut! I run downstairs, look in the mirror, forcing my eye open and look to see BRIGHT pink peering back at me. I feel like a Gremlin. When the light hits my eye I feel as if little fur balls are going to pop out of my eye and create little demon pink eyed, rubbing their eyeballs children for me to spend eternity caring for. What the fuck, how does a 39 year old get pink eye?! I tell you how. By going to a nasty bowling alley, putting on nasty rental shoes that nasty people wear. By sticking my fingers in nasty bowling ball holes where nasty people have stuck their nasty fingers!

Bowling is NASTY!

Sundays' at Home Depot

2009-03-29T17:05:00.000-07:00

You can tell so much about couples that you see at the Home Depot store. We were there this morning and ran into three couples.

The first couple we pass are probably in their mid twenties. They were holding hands and giggling, looking at the lighting, shaking their heads in agreement, and were just as happy as they could be - JUST MARRIED! I thought. The man will do anything and agree to anything because he has one thing on his mind.

The second couple we passed were walking slowly but with purpose. The woman was telling the man what he was going to buy. She was pushing the cart and he was saying, "yes dear" out loud. Now there is a man that is miserable and has no choice but to do what she says or she will make his life TOTAL hell.

The third couple we saw were a woman and man walking beside one another. The woman was saying to him, "If you didn't want to do this project or help with this project then you should have just fucking told me so ..." Behind them were three little kids. One of them pushing the cart so full of stuff that his face was bright red. On the way to divorce I thought. I felt sorry for the kids, because if their folks fought like that in public I can only imagine what their battles are like at home.

Then there was me and my Princess. Now see I know a secret that none of these men know.

I go out early and clean the snow and ice off the truck while Princess is taking a shower. I turn on the heat and make sure her side of the truck is nice and clean. We drive to Home Depot while listening to her favorte music. We get to Home Depot and I drop the Princess of at the front door, go to the exit side of the parking lot and park the truck. I meet Princess at the carts. I push the cart and let the Princess walk around and put her stuff that she "needs" into it. She holds something up and says, "Do you think this will work?" ... I say "if it doesn't baby I will bring it back and get what you need." She says, "Do you like this." ... I say,"I like anything that you do, besides even if I didn't, you make our house look so nice I trust your judgement."

We get all of items and we leave the store .... both of us Happy and Satisfied with the whole experience. Not to mention still speaking to one another in the truck.

Spring In Missouri ...

2009-03-28T16:02:00.000-07:00

This is what Spring looks like today in Missouri.

We have made the best of it. Princess has worked on getting her new laundry room looking just right (I've tried to help, but I am not allowed anywhere near the laundry since I shrink things and change them colors). I have watched a movie, cooked lunch for the Princess and now we are fixing to cuddle on the couch and watch the last episode of Big Love while the snow falls outside. Really being locked up inside doesn't seem so bad after all.

BUT...

I hope the Groundhog that predicted this crap freezes his balls off in it today!

CowBoi Up Friday

2009-03-27T13:30:00.000-07:00

Okay Tina here's the cowboy hat picture!

I do have to say Princess looks a hell of a lot better in the hat than I do!

Actually I'm cheating a little. We took these pictures last summer at a Sheryl Crow concert we went to and we were just a little intoxicated. It was an awesome night, one that consisted of ice cold beer, the warm summer breeze you get right before a thunderstorm and both the Princess and I were free of pagers from work. It was a night of absolute freedom and time stood still. The funniest thing was the concert was an outside venue and they actually said that there were NO CAMERAS allowed. Right, 3000 people at an outside venue and none of us are going to have a camera! WTF anyway.... what happened to the days when one could go to a concert and take as many pics as they wanted?!

My Home Library ...

2009-03-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

I'm one of those people who does a majority of my reading in the house library. My Princess teases me when I go there. Sometimes I will fear that she will start slipping Colace into my eggs and bacon in the mornings.

I remember as a kid, before I could even read, finding the newspaper in the bathroom. I just knew that my parents were trying to potty train my little brother, you know, like they did the cats out on the back porch. I was sure this was the reason the paper was in there - to give them something to do while he sit on the toilet ...

Now as an adult I know the truth. It's the quietest place in the house. There isn't a soul that dare to come in and ask what I'm doing. No interruptions, no loud TV or my OCD kicking in to make me answer the phone or that email from mother that demands an answer before she emails another. It's the one place I can actually concentrate on the National and Local news that is going on in the world.

All that said .... I sure am glad I live in a century that has advanced to the point that the home library is on the inside of the house.

Because winters in Missouri get mighty damn cold!

Twilight Gone ....

2009-03-24T07:46:00.000-07:00

Princess and I decided that we would rent a movie last Sat night. The three grown up monkeys got us a Blue Ray player for Christmas and here it is March and we still hadn't experienced the joy it can bring to our lives (okay that's a bullshit line - we just got tired of the grown Monkey's asking if we had watched anything on it so we rented the movie in Blue Ray).

We go to Blockbuster and dig out our little blue card, which we had a hard time finding because we NEVER rent movies anymore. I'm a bit of a tightwad. I say to Princess, "I can't believe we pay for Showtime, Cinamax, and HBO and here we are renting a damn movie in a video store!" We walk through the countless aisles of movies and finally arrive at the Twilight Box.

Now, Princess and I are both fans of the HBO Series True Blood, so we are thinking, "hmmmmm this may be good."

We get the movie home, settle into our PJ's and I carefully remove the movie from it's plastic container and slide it into the player. Then I sit and look at the front of it. WTF ... "I can't read any of this small writing on here Princess ....." "Here" ... Princess says and hands me the remote. I spend almost 10 minutes trying to figure out the damn remote buttons. I FINALLY push select and the TV screen flashes .... NO DISC IN PLAYER. "WTF I know I put it in there" I say to Princess and she lays on the couch comfortable and patiently waiting.

I push the open button and the player opens, no disc is there! I shut it. I open it and repeat this process a few times. I bang on top of it. NOTHING.

"Damn it to hell, I'm going to have to take it apart to get it out of there". I go to the garage and rummage around finding the small screwdriver needed to open up the case. Princess tells me that she is going to take a shower while I take the player apart. I open it and NOTHING is in there. NOTHING. I look toward the shelf that the player was sitting on .....

When we got the Blue Ray player for Christmas, I put it on top of the DVD player we already had. That's where the Twilight disc was... safe and sound in the old player.

But I dare not tell Princess where I found it ..... never ..... will I tell her!

Drunk Drivers

2009-03-21T07:50:00.000-07:00

A few months ago a drunk driver hit my car. I wasn't even in it. It was even parked in front of my house on the street! It was even 4 AM in the morning.....

Yes, 4 AM, not in it, in font of my house and I was upstairs sleeping in my nice warm bed.

The Princess and I awaken to the pounding at the front door like no other pounding. I am assured that it is one of her packages of adult children wanting something insane, because if something was wrong at their home or with them we all know they are VERY capable of letting their fingers walk over the buttons of a phone. I hit Princess in the arm and tell her to go open the door and quickly fall asleep. Just as I'm about to wander back to dreamland the Princess is shaking me awake .... "Monkey,Monkey a drunk driver hit your car, the cops need to talk to you".

I run down the stairs in my boxers and white t-shit and fall halfway down them. The cop comes running in the door (he was standing in the door way and saw me) and helps me up off the floor. My eyes are half open as I approach the porch and there's my car, mangled, you can't even tell where the front meets the back. The drunk driver is laying on the ground next to the police car. He had passed out at the wheel after he hit me. Turns out he is a 23 yr old kid with 4 previous DUI's. At this point I'm thinking, great he has no insurance.

Surprise he does. A month later I get a check from his insurance company and I go buy, drum roll, the truck I have always wanted! I had to file all the paperwork and chase down the policereport to get it. But I did it.

Then this morning the drunk driver calls me and asks me to go to court for him Monday morning and testify that he did the right thing and stayed at the scene of the accident.

Are you fucking kidding me! Hell no. I've driven shitty rental cars and had to do all the paperwork with your insurance company because you couldn't because you were in jail. PLUS, you were passed out, you didn't stay at the scene because you wanted to fucktard!

Then the drunktard .... says.... heartless bitch.

I may be that to him .... but hey I think I will take my NEW truck out for a spin. Then until our garage is done, park it safely in the neighbors driveway where nobody lives all safe and sound.

Mousetraps!

2009-03-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

My Princess- who has INFINITE wisdom, tells me that mouse traps are terrible - messy and noisy and cruel - so what does she suggest? She suggest those sticky strips - the kind mice walk unto and get stuck and die, often stuck to these strips by their noses. Oh yeah Princess of infinite wisdom, really humane.

My Tornado

2009-03-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

I was talking with a friend the other day and she mentioned that she defines events her in life as “Before The Tornado” and “After The Tornado”. She lost everything she had a few yrs ago when a Tornado took everything from her. She was working on her Masters at the time and had a teenage son. Not to mention that she was a single mom working her ass off to make ends meet. She has pulled herself up and now is doing very well.

This got me to thinking about my life. What was the Tornado in my life?

First I went back to when I “discovered” I was gay – or more less when I allowed others to “discover” I was gay. I’m the daughter of a Southern Baptist Minister. My father is retired now, but at the time I came out he was at the top of his game. He had his own Sunday Morning Show on local TV. His congregation every Sunday consisted of about 1500 people. He doesn’t believe in Homosexuality – as a matter of fact when I came out he was actually preaching on the dreaded “Homosexual Agenda”, and I don’t mean just one sermon … he preached a whole series on it! When I finally did admit to myself I was gay, which a whole other story in itself, I didn’t really admit it to my dad. But he figured it out and it was very hard on our relationship and still is today. We have just agreed to agree that he doesn’t believe in my sexuality choice (as he calls it) and I don’t believe in his God. That said, my dad is a good man and I try to be a good daughter to him. So really, even though this was a tough period in my life … it was not my tornado.

The next thing I thought of was the Gulf War. I’m a veteran of the war. I was in the Army for ten years. I did and seen things in the early 1990’s that I still wish I had not seen or did. I have learned not to regret them or feel guilty for them, for they were part of the things that made me who I am today. Without those events in my life I would have missed out on some life lessons that would not have been possible to learn otherwise. But – I do not consider this my life’s tornado.

Then there's my first relationship. It lasted twelve years. We were both very successful in our work. We had everyting we wanted in life. At the beginning we were both so in love. Then as time passed it seemed as if we become destructive toward and for one another. We kept getting back together after we would split up - the last two years we were together - expecting that we could make it work. I finally made a choice to move 300 miles away from her just so we would STOP hurting one another. It was an insane two years of my life! But today we still talk on the phone and she was a big part of my life. When I returned home from the war she put up with a lot of shit that she didn't deserve to have to deal with. She worked while I went to college. I worked while she went to college. She has since moved to New York and works as a Producer. I live here in Kansas City and work for the county. The breakup was probably the hardest thing on my emotional being. Even still this was not the tornado in my life.

What was the tornado in my life? It was the two years I was single after I left my ex. I intentionally stayed single for those two years. I was a whore to say the least. I threw all that I knew out the window about taking care of myself. I went from job to job. I slept with so many women it's amazing that I didn't catch a disease and lose my vagina! I drank enough beer to actually purchase a fleet of Bud Light trucks. Took little white pills to stay awake in the day and little blue ones to sleep at night.

It was this last thought that made me think that often it isn't other people that are tornado's in our lives -it is us. It's the way we feel about ourselves and the choices that we make.

Life is much better now that the Tornado has passed. It's been seven years ago March 17th that the winds changed in my life. My Tornado passed and I live with a beautiful Princess, in a beautiful Kingdom in a beautiful home. I have a job that I love. I think I will just stay right here in the shelter for awhile.

Strange Neighbors

2009-03-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

Just this past Saturday my best friend, her Princess, myself and my Princess met for lunch at high noon as we do every Saturday. Our conversations always seem to end up with our Princess's talking about things that my best friend and I have in common that drives them insane. One of their many discoveries is that we both talk to our strange neighbors. I often find myself left in the yard, alone and unable to get away from mine.

I won't go into to much details, but let's just say that we both have some odd people that we live next door to. Kim's is toothless and seems to slobber a lot. Ours, well let's just say that she's the type that hangs her granny panties on the clothesline for all to see in the middle of a city. My Princess just loves to trick me into looking out the window and seeing the look on my face when I see them hanging on the line. She also finds great amusement in the fact that she can get out of the driveway and into the house before the neighbor can get to her to. Me on the other hand, I get caught everytime.

This morning my Princess and I woke up early to load some things in the pickup to take to a auction (we are remodeling our home and doing the out with the old and in with the new thing), and our neighbor stumbled out her back door. Princess looked at me and I saw the, "don't even start talking to her because we will never get away" look. But I couldn't help it. The nice person in me looked over and said "Good morning". That's all it took.

Over to the side of the truck she strolled. "Good morning" she said. At that same moment my cat, who is not loving to me at all - he is more the independent type - begans to rub himself all over my leg and trying to lead me away from the neighbor and into the garage.

"Ah there's your cat" the neighbors face lights up. "He comes to my house every night and humps the stuffed dog next to my TV, I just love to watch him do that. It's better entertainment than what I am watching on TV. He is getting better at it every day"

Princess looks at me and walks away.

I look at the neighbor.

Then she walks away.

Leaving me standing alone in the driveway.

Okay Here I Go ...

2009-03-09T21:58:00.000-07:00

Okay. Here I go. I've been reading blogs for over a year now and have said, someday I'm going to start one. Well, today is my someday. To those that I've been reading, learning from and laughing with I look forward to reading more of you and hope that you find me just as entertaining and good to read!

Here's to my someday in blog land.