Strange Taxi Rides

On the rare occasions that Princess and I go out, knowing that we will become very intoxicated, we call a cab to the place we are going and back home again. Saturday night was one of these occasions. I pick up the cell and dial the taxi company and they send a cab right away. When the cab arrived I looked inside and the cab driver actually looked like someone that spoke English! Awesome I thought to myself, I won't have to have a conversation with a man that I am trusting with my life in HIS car, that consists of me saying yes and not knowing what the hell is he saying. Then I noticed that the cab driver had a Garmin in his car. Yes! How sweet, I won't have to give this one directions either! Last I notice that the cab driver is a very gay man. No Gaydar needed.

So we jump in the cab say hello and give the driver the address of the bar we are going to. Then, and note that we haven't even turned the corner from our house yet, the driver tells us that he is dating a fuzzy gay man. I say oh a fuzzy gay man, how interesting. At this point Princess pokes me in my side, I know she is trying to tell me NOT to encourage conversation, but I just can't help myself. I say to the driver, you know I'm glad you are dating a fuzzy gay man (I've had a couple drinks already and am ready for fun). The cab driver continues to tell us that his fuzzy boyfriend is going to have smoothie surgery. Of course I asked what that was. He proceeded to tell me that his boyfriend just wanted to be castrated because his father is a child molester and he doesn't want to be one when he gets older. Princess is grabbing the door at this point. I say to the driver, wow that's awful drastic, but I guess if that's what will ease his mind then I suppose a man has to do what a man has to do. Then, the cab driver continues to tell us that his "Fuzzy" boyfriend also wants the surgery so he can't reproduce. I say to the driver, "Wow I didn't know that two gay men could reproduce.." At this point Princess can't stand it anymore. She gives me the look that says, "if you say one more damn word to this man I will kill you...."

I'm sure glad we were only a block away at that point or I wouldn't be typing this today!

Strange Neighbors

Just this past Saturday my best friend, her Princess, myself and my Princess met for lunch at high noon as we do every Saturday. Our conversations always seem to end up with our Princess's talking about things that my best friend and I have in common that drives them insane. One of their many discoveries is that we both talk to our strange neighbors. I often find myself left in the yard, alone and unable to get away from mine.

I won't go into to much details, but let's just say that we both have some odd people that we live next door to. Kim's is toothless and seems to slobber a lot. Ours, well let's just say that she's the type that hangs her granny panties on the clothesline for all to see in the middle of a city. My Princess just loves to trick me into looking out the window and seeing the look on my face when I see them hanging on the line. She also finds great amusement in the fact that she can get out of the driveway and into the house before the neighbor can get to her to. Me on the other hand, I get caught everytime.

This morning my Princess and I woke up early to load some things in the pickup to take to a auction (we are remodeling our home and doing the out with the old and in with the new thing), and our neighbor stumbled out her back door. Princess looked at me and I saw the, "don't even start talking to her because we will never get away" look. But I couldn't help it. The nice person in me looked over and said "Good morning". That's all it took.

Over to the side of the truck she strolled. "Good morning" she said. At that same moment my cat, who is not loving to me at all - he is more the independent type - begans to rub himself all over my leg and trying to lead me away from the neighbor and into the garage.

"Ah there's your cat" the neighbors face lights up. "He comes to my house every night and humps the stuffed dog next to my TV, I just love to watch him do that. It's better entertainment than what I am watching on TV. He is getting better at it every day"

Princess looks at me and walks away.

I look at the neighbor.

Then she walks away.

Leaving me standing alone in the driveway.