Monday, April 6, 2009

Strange Taxi Rides

On the rare occasions that Princess and I go out, knowing that we will become very intoxicated, we call a cab to the place we are going and back home again. Saturday night was one of these occasions. I pick up the cell and dial the taxi company and they send a cab right away. When the cab arrived I looked inside and the cab driver actually looked like someone that spoke English! Awesome I thought to myself, I won't have to have a conversation with a man that I am trusting with my life in HIS car, that consists of me saying yes and not knowing what the hell is he saying. Then I noticed that the cab driver had a Garmin in his car. Yes! How sweet, I won't have to give this one directions either! Last I notice that the cab driver is a very gay man. No Gaydar needed.

So we jump in the cab say hello and give the driver the address of the bar we are going to. Then, and note that we haven't even turned the corner from our house yet, the driver tells us that he is dating a fuzzy gay man. I say oh a fuzzy gay man, how interesting. At this point Princess pokes me in my side, I know she is trying to tell me NOT to encourage conversation, but I just can't help myself. I say to the driver, you know I'm glad you are dating a fuzzy gay man (I've had a couple drinks already and am ready for fun). The cab driver continues to tell us that his fuzzy boyfriend is going to have smoothie surgery. Of course I asked what that was. He proceeded to tell me that his boyfriend just wanted to be castrated because his father is a child molester and he doesn't want to be one when he gets older. Princess is grabbing the door at this point. I say to the driver, wow that's awful drastic, but I guess if that's what will ease his mind then I suppose a man has to do what a man has to do. Then, the cab driver continues to tell us that his "Fuzzy" boyfriend also wants the surgery so he can't reproduce. I say to the driver, "Wow I didn't know that two gay men could reproduce.." At this point Princess can't stand it anymore. She gives me the look that says, "if you say one more damn word to this man I will kill you...."


I'm sure glad we were only a block away at that point or I wouldn't be typing this today!

7 comments:

Propane Amy said...

O...M....G!!!! LMFAO!!!! This is an AWESOME story. I almost spit my pop on my laptop!! Did this really happen or are you fucking with us??? LOL

Jude said...

Monkey...you're asking to be put in the dog house! LMAO Yup, looking at the picture of you two, I bet the Princess could give some mean evil eyes. LOL!

small town dyke said...

lol good thing you know when to shut it! what a great start to the night.

Squirty said...

LMAO...Oh I have had some interesting cab drivers. But man, I think that one takes the cake!

Newbo said...

haha! Why are taxi always willing to share more than they should? It seems to be part of the job description!

shane rocket said...

good thing you were only 1` block away, sounds like my *g*.
you could have lost your life in that cab and not by the driver......

VeganBattleBot said...

Smoothie surgery? Crazy lingo.